Happy Friday

I feel compelled to write about positivity today. After starting the morning scanning twitter and seeing some pretty awful news posts, I turned to Instagram and started seeing some really nice things on my newsfeed.

Tank Sinatra is an Instagram phenom based on his memeolgy, comedic posts and hilarious content. But he also has a page TanksGoodNews dedicated to nothing but positive news.

After our morning routine of me getting little Addy ready for the day, I was expecting to go back to bed as I was feeling kind of crappy after a restless night of bad sleeping. Kiddo had a meltdown in the middle of the night because I wouldn’t let her follow me into the bathroom. When we woke up, I asked her why she was being a bad girl last night…. and she answered in her pouty voice “because I wanted to be with you”… How do you stay mad at that?

Every Friday morning whenever I end up out the door and onto some errands I start the day off with some Tim Horton’s steeped tea. And every week, no matter how much it is… I always buy the round for the next person behind me in drive thru. I pay, give them a little wave out my window and drive off. I’ve done this consistently since I’ve been off work.

After the mini getaway to Toronto and as I stated last night… I am very thankful for what I have. I need to continue being positive, I need to start doing good things, to do something nice for some random strangers… I feel really good at how far I’ve progressed mentally over the past couple weeks, I am pretty balanced emotionally right now. Letting the rest of my core group of friends know what I’ve been struggling with has been very uplifting. It’s all been 100 percent support from every single one of them, and I love every single one of them for being who they are to me.

I believe if I continue this positivity, then something positive is going to happen sometime soon. I need to let what will become, become.

Fun note. The farmer’s market downtown Windsor starts up this weekend, and our local night market in Lasalle has an event this Sunday evening. I am very much looking forward to spending time with my girls there as I’ve brought Addy to the market since she was a newborn baby, so I am hoping she will have these faint memories of me pulling her in her wagon, carting her around in her stroller, holding her hand while she waddles down Pelissier Street.

Here’s to making good memories this weekend folks.

Much Love.

TW

Full Moon

It’s Sunday night, I’m sitting on my back patio staring at the full moon while writing this post. The sky is clear, I can hear the faint calls of geese from a distance, the evening air is crisp and cool as it is surprisingly quiet in the neighbourhood.

After a weekend of 2 family gatherings, 2 birthday cakes and a glutton of great food I think Siu and I are ready for a 30 day cleanse as we have a wedding to attend in a month’s time… so another excuse to get on another diet.

I was pretty determined to have a bonfire yesterday no matter how cold it got and holy hell… cold it did get. It was a well prepared fire as I knew the wind would steadily get more gusty as the evening went on… The kindling worked well and embers were perfect for 2 large logs of wood. I’ll say it everytime, there’s just something about a bonfire… the more you stare into it, the more relaxed you become. The niece and nephew braved the cold & windy conditions with me…. it was really nice to have their company. I obviously love these kids as they are family, but even while they’ve grown up to be 9 and 12 I’ve always been able to talk to them as adults. I love hearing their stories and being able to spend time with them yesterday evening was probably the most enjoyable part of the weekend as we were away from the busy house and outside by the fire.

Jacob and Kaylen are such good kids and it is amazing to see and know how much they love my little Addy. We were just sitting around the fire while Jake was rambling away as per usual with his million stories talking a mile a minute… but I just sat back and soaked it all in. The innocence of these kiddos is so refreshing. It’s been great having a distraction from my solitude and depression with family being around all weekend. Now I get to sit back and reflect on how lucky I am to have them in my life.

My mother turned 65 and my father in law turned 75… they are both blessed to be in pretty decent health… Both have had the opportunity to celebrate their birthdays amongst all their kids and grandkids. I hope one day I am also blessed with being showered with love by my family, my wife,daughter and grand children. I hope to continue to have these bonfires with the niece and nephew no matter how old they get.

Alot of good things happened this weekend and the fact I was able to head out to lunch with the family at a busy restaurant this afternoon…. is a big step forward. I was honestly about to back out and just have Addy stay home with me… but my sisters were in town and I thought because it was my mom’s birthday… i needed to go.

My brain was thinking of a bunch of what if’s… Siu was gone to the states with her sister so she wasn’t there just in case… What if Addy turned into Miss cranky pants… what if I saw people I didn’t want to see… what if it was too crowded and my anxiety would spike… I was thinking of ways to get out of a situation that never even happened.

Addy was a doll, listened when she needed to, ate when she was fed and didn’t fuss at all. I was glad to have my older sister there with me though, it was comforting to know that she had my back. Most of you know that I’ve been doing some indirect intermittent fasting, not eating much during the day… I haven’t been having lunch much the last month or so. I didn’t eat as much as I used to, but the dim sum food was pretty tasty. After lunch, my sister took Addy to the park for a bit which was perfect because I think the fresh air did wonders and tired her out a bit. Thank goodness I was able to put her down for a quick nap as she needed the energy to go nuts at the evening family gathering.

It’s time to go back inside. I didn’t realize even with a very slight breeze, it is kinda chilly out here. It’s not late enough into the night as the stars are just about poking through the dark sky. The air smells amazing, spring is finally here.

TW

64 Degrees Fahrenheit

Siu and I ventured out to Point Pelee this morning. I can’t remember the last time we were there and thank goodness I had checked the weather out by the water before heading out as it was probably only in the mid 40’s when we got there.

The trees were still bare as the vegetation was still budding. Spring is such a cathartic time as mother nature starts over with its annual blank canvas. It was very interesting to notice the moss growing where the sun shone in the openings amongst the canopy of tree and bush. What a beautiful morning it was. As we took the shuttle from the visitor’s centre to the tip of the point, the sound of the crashing waves began to get louder. It was pretty chilly and windy at the point… but as we stared out into the horizon, with the waves lapping up on the shoreline… my mind was lost in the cyclical sound of the water.

I took a deep breath of the crisp morning air, the tang of the fresh water filled my chest and as I exhaled…. I realized for the first time in weeks that I felt at peace.

I am now sitting in my backyard noticing the tree branches are finally blooming, the daffodils are out and the tulips are about to sprout. With everything visibly waking up I am hoping that part of my depression was also from seasonal affective disorder and the cycle will end sooner rather than later. From the ground springs new life and here’s to new hope for me moving on to something new, looking forward to great opportunities to get me into the next stage of my career life.

Here’s to hoping.

TW